Thread: Board Decorum
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Old 01-17-2018, 12:45 PM   #14
Jouhou
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Portsmouth, NH
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Re: Board Decorum

Quote:
Originally Posted by fattony View Post
No one asked me to stick my nose into this, but I'm going to anyway. Arguing about the facts of who said what, when they said it, and how they said it, is not going to resolve this issue. This kind of argument is not about what was literally said, but about how those words make us feel. Unfortunately, the speaker doesn't get to decide for the listener how the listener is going to feel.

I see this as a case of lost subtlety in text communication. Personally, I don't think what was said was particularly nefarious or malicious in intent, but I can understand how it can be construed that way. I can understand how it made found5dollar feel because I have been on the receiving end (and delivering end, for that matter) of miscommunication on the internet and IRL. I've taken things personally that weren't meant to be and I've taken things seriously that were meant to be jocular.

Found5dollar felt personally attacked and struck back hard. Now Jouhou feels attacked because s/he feels the response was out of line. You are both right about your own feelings, but you can't tell the other person that their feelings are wrong. That isn't how feelings work.

If you can acknowledge to each other that this was a bad exchange, that you didn't mean to be unkind and don't want to contribute to the incivility problems on the forum any further, then I hope you can bury the hatchet on this issue. To my eye neither one of you is totally out of line, except that I presume neither one of you actually wants to be having this fight. Only you can end it.

We (myself included) can all take this as a reminder to be careful when addressing other forum members directly, especially if it can be construed as personal criticism.
I'm a she and this is fairly accurate. I was waiting for the other party involved to admit that it's possible they misinterpreted me before taking a more apologetic tone. Prior to reading that thread i was sorry that they took it as such a personal attack but then I came back quite irate and felt it necessary to spell out my exact thoughts on the whole thing.

PS calling anything I do "Trumpian" is a pretty good way to antagonize me.

Last edited by Jouhou; 01-17-2018 at 12:57 PM.
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